09th Oct 2009
Friday // 9pm // 2 years ago
i cant be heartless
im not kayne west.
10th Sep 2009
Thursday // 11pm // 2 years ago
the first one
is the worst one, when it comes to a broken heart. lovelovelove boys like girls. math class makes me drift off to places sometimes i don’t like so much. i almost wish my teacher knew how to teach so my mind wouldn’t wander so much. a year ago i thought life was perfect, in fact i can pretty much say it was the happiest i had been in a long time. thinking about how so much has changed in a such a short amount of time puts so much on my brain its unreal. i wish things had gone differently and i also wish some things had happened that never did. i don’t know how sitting through the vmas this year will feel because they aren’t here yet but something about the way even though there was so much strain between individuals at that time that it brought us all one step closer. each new discovery of a duo made me scream even more with excitement. it wasn’t real though and that’s what people forget. when i get sad now over things like that it’s not like i’m going to run back and just collapse into someone else. i can’t do that because i won’t be able to fight it off from going where it would. i’ve become such a stronger person and i’ve learned the difference between a fake personality and a real one. the people currently in my life are some of the most positive people i’ve ever know and i’m so happy i have them around. life’s going good and i don’t feel like stopping and looking around to fix the bridges that were broken. lets face it, you broke it and let me fall in the middle. you can’t just make me unfall and thankfully i don’t think you’re trying anymore. i miss who i thought people were, but definitely not who they turned out to be.
05th Sep 2009
Saturday // 5pm // 2 years ago
sunsets bring secrets
that not even you can handle. it’s been one interesting week i would say. the best and worst at the same time? god only knows why, well i mean besides me haha. school went well i really think its going to be a really good time. my first friend at school is really nice too and we pass notes in school like 6th graders and then the boys in front of us ask what we’re talking about. it really ammuses me to say the least. the fact that my composition class is going to be harder than life itself really excites me because it will stretch my mind in ways i don’t even know. i wrote two pages in 20 minutes and he really liked it. THANK JESUS RIGHT? people wern’t just saying i could write hahah i actually can. so what a interesting week it has been. i have a stalker…no not really but we might as well call him that. if he’s reading this, thank you for refraining from texting me today, keep that up please. if you wanted this to happen eventually you would’ve chose different words when you walked away. its really that simple :) so next subject…i have an ex…yeah i know its insane that not everything in my life is about you anymore haha. anyways at this point im really happy being alone and i kind of almost hope it stays that way for a long time because i can’t take how people don’t understand anything. the fact that i can’t just sit and have a conversation with someone who i used to be able to have hour upon hour ones with drives me literally up the wall. plus you wont move on yet you wont keep a hold of me? i really dont understand it. i think everyones gone fucking out of their mind. literally, like something bringing us back together? really sucks to say but i think you’re really stupid for thinking that. plus i’m more annoyed with people lately then i have been in ages. like jesus get a clue. okay done ranting. time for some poetic beautiful stuff. youre just going down a path you cant handle but maybe the path cant handle you. kind of like how youre finally taking control of your life everythings falling in place and bam cracks in the path. my theory on it is that the cracks are just things you need to make it over to get back to that place you were. you know peaceful serene waves crashing kind of happiness. yeah i had that for a good while until two cracks had to enter my path. can i just say how appropriate the word crack is right now? MOVING ON. you won’t stop me because i can’t break for you anymore. i don’t know two people who i used to think i knew all too well. lifes funny there, it takes away familiar personalities and turns them into strangers. all im asking for is to walk down my path without any cracks.
25th Aug 2009
Tuesday // 10pm // 2 years ago
it never fails
to actually try something new. let me tell you though as soon as you get comfortable something has to snatch it away. i don’t understand what is so wrong with people. why cant they just be happy for what they have with someone? regardless if you want more or not. instead they make everyone else feel like shit for it. if theres one thing ive learned this year its to be happy for what you have, with who you have it with. you feel a spark you should act on it, but then this fire comes out and you just want to run away. can you stop starting fires, please? im just going to start expecting disappointment so i never get burned.
25th Aug 2009
Tuesday // 10pm // 2 years ago
two is better than one
i remember what you wore on our first date. you came into my life and i thought hey, you know this could be something. everything you do and the words you say, you know that it all takes my breath away. and now im left with nothing. so maybe its true, i cant live without you. maybe two is better than one. theres so much time to figure out the rest of my life and youve already got me coming undone. now im thinking two is better than one. i remember every look upon your face. the way you roll your eyes the way you taste. you make it hard for breathing. when i close my eyes and drift away, i think of you and everythings okay. i’m finally now believing. so maybe its true, i cant live without you. maybe two is better than one. theres so much time to figure out the rest of my life and youve already got me coming undone. now im thinking two is better than one.
24th Aug 2009
Monday // 12am // 2 years ago
randomosity
im watching scream 3. im on aim. this has no point. im really sick right now. im hurt…in more then one way. im starving. im thirsty. im hot. i have a jewish nose. my friends left me for the night. my phone is blinking. my im is too. theres a daddys girl commercial on tv. i love god. amen.
22nd Aug 2009
Saturday // 10pm // 2 years ago
walk away
from everything we started to build. you let me fall but instead of catching me you just let me go. i hope you know how much you meant to me. i can’t be someones super hero. its not in me. today is the day i live. for me, for no one else. to just be happy im even breathing. i watched a life get taken in front of me, and she was a much better person then i am. i need to make up for that, i need to show her that she gave something to me. happiness it is. i have to find you.
22nd Aug 2009
Saturday // 4pm // 2 years ago
lay back, relax
i enjoy how each person i re connect with leads back to you. how better off i am right now. you kept me away from life, and always made me feel like i was holding you back. i’m happy. i’m happy i finally found myself. it wasn’t an easy ride to get back here but i’m so glad i got over all of the speed bumps. before you i was as i am now, if not i’m stronger now. your ecounter in my life was just to show me how good of a person i really am. so thank you for your lies you actually changed my life. actually thats a lie, youre not worth changing my life for the better. you were just a road block, and im free now. no sirens, no bumps and no lies. i’m going to continue to see the sun now. have fun in the dark.
21st Aug 2009
Friday // 9pm // 2 years ago
colors for you
the sky was perfect blue. me and you with a new beginning. one and one make two all we knew is that we had each other. like gentle lavender on my face, what a gorgeous feeling. you took me up so high, i felt so free when the walls were ceilings. forever we wait, my emotions have gone. there’s a shade that goes along. your painting of me like the canvas’s. your fortune, my song. well there’s so many changes, don’t know how it became this. there’s a different shade for all that we’ve been through. these are my colors. i’m trying to think back to what i was before. but with every turn a different cue. these are my colors for you. so the seasons go, brightly so, with the path of changes. a certain change in tint, there were hints while the brights were faded. up here a perfect sky shadowed by the remainings of pain. a world so beautiful in perfect bloom now its all in gray. forever we wait, my emotions have gone. there’s a shade that goes along. our painting of me like the canvas’s. your fortune, my song. well there’s so many changes, don’t know how it became this. there’s a different shade for all that we’ve been through. these are my colors. i’m trying to think back to what i was before. but with every turn a different cue. these are my colors for you. im mixing up these colors, product of your encounter. everything you put in me is now manifesting. the lavenders the blues, the grays and yellows too have all gone into what you see, standing here before you. well there’s so many changes, don’t know how it became this. there’s a different shade for all that we’ve been through. these are my colors.i’m trying to think back to what i was before. but with every turn a different cue. these are my colors for you.
21st Aug 2009
Friday // 7pm // 2 years ago
one medication too many
maybe its the medication or maybe i’m just going a little insane? we haven’t talked and anyone could figure that one out, except for me. why? i don’t understand. i don’t understand how when people know that not talking bothers you they continue doing it. how after knowing everything about your life and past that they would pick up their phone and just say hi. i mean i would and i do. its seriously like waves tumbling over us right now and youre just swallowing yourself in them. not sure why but if youre going to pull yourself out i hope you do it soon before its too late to see the sunset. i can’t block the sun for much longer my darling i’m not god. there’s so much going on lately and half of it you don’t even know about, but that’s not my fault. don’t let yourself get caught up in any of this because you’re above it and it’s time you started seeing that. for the person who’s been there for me uncondionally without me having to even say anything, thank you. you honestly are one amazing person. i’m just trying to let this all out, to have it maybe make some sense to someone. lets hope tumblr gets through to you because i sure as hell cant seem too.
i'm only as strong as i allow myself to be. i love music, any kind really mostly country and pop/rock. nick santino and taylor swift really need to get together and make babies and i'm sorry if that offends anyone. i could sing all day long if my voice allowed me too. i just want to love, and have it actually be taken in by someone. maybe that's just to much to ask for.
